Immy Chua

Just Being and Let things Happen….


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Self_love = Selfish ???

IMG_0045We don’t like to be called Selfish because we believe Self_love is Selfish…at least this is what I always believe!

I was brought up in the culture of giving. Save and give the best to the younger and older. I was also taught not to be selfish. Since I am the eldest in the family, so I became a natural giver. So I relate giving is loving, you should give others first which means you should love others first? This is what I  always believe self_love is selfish!

Until recently my cancer progressed and I was in so much pain and couldn’t do anything then I turned more to myself and asked if I love myself? I also came across Anita Moorjani’s book Dying to be me and Sai Baba’s teaching, they both talked about the importance of self-love!

Self-love is not selfish as what I have been lead to believe! Self-love is to love yourself unconditionally, without judgment and just being yourself and live the life you want and not the life you think other people think you should be! Since I have not been loving myself unconditionally then I never appreciate my body that is why I have cancer! That makes sense to me now! Again, I made myself sick!

Again, cancer is a gift to me and this time the cancer progressed is even a bigger gift to me! I like to share good news, I was reluctant to share my latest health situation as I was not being truthful to myself. I was afraid people judge me and ask me why? why? why? I always like to prove I can heal the cancer and I have been trying so hard to heal the cancer because I told myself and to you all I can. This time the cancer progressed and I viewed myself as a loser! I disappoint you all! The Gerson diet is so hard, I am no longer follow as I was living in so much fear everyday thinking that if I cheat the cancer will come back and now it happens as the results of living in fear!

I believe learning to love, accept, forgive, value, respect, and take responsibility for ourselves in every moment of our life is the key to healing and transforming all of our emotional, physical, spiritual pain, illness, and suffering. Relating to ourselves with unconditional love, kindness, and compassion is the key to transforming and healing our past, and so it is therefore the key to consciously creating all that our heart desires here in the present.

I believe we were not born to suffer. Nor were we born to settle for anything less than the best in all aspects of our life. In fact, we were born to grow, to learn, to create beauty, to love wholeheartedly, to  live fearlessly and enjoying our lives to the fullest each and every day.

I also believe every one of us is destined to live as a unique, free, and full expression of who and what we truly are. We are destined to realize our greatest potential in this lifetime and consciously create a life that is deeply aligned with our own heart and soul. Each of us is destined to live a life that we truly love; one that is full of purpose, passion, consciousness, peace, joy, health, wealth and unconditional love for ourselves, for others, and for all of Life. Just being ourselves and live the life we want! This is what I am experiencing now! I used to think I would be very uneasy and bored if I am not working because I would feel useless! Now, first time in life that I really enjoy not working and just being and let things happen. My finance has been taking care of and I am now loving myself more and more each and everyday. (I will share more how by just being not doing my finance has been taking care of in my next post! )

I also believe once I love myself unconditionally then I would be able to give my love unconditionally, because we cannot give what we do not have! By loving myself unconditionally and stop judging and criticizing myself. My body starts healing because Love heals………

So, do you love yourself unconditionally ?

Sending you all unconditional love……..


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Atonement

undo-iconI love the movie Atonement and have been trying to relate my journey with it….and this is what I found.

‘Atoning’ means ‘undoing’. Few years ago, my colleague told me it would be good if we could have the ‘undo’ button in our life just like the ‘undo’ button in the computer! Those days I thought it was impossible! Now I believe it is possible. How?

We might not be able to undo our action but we could undo the mistaken ideas in our mind.

The following are the insights from A Course in Miracle which explains Atonement.

The purpose of the Atonement is to undo all the errors in our mind. Joining with mistaken thoughts is the source of all our fear. 

Miracles are natural, corrective, healing and universal, they cannot be performed in the spirit of doubt or fear. When we are afraid of anything, we are acknowledging its power to hurt us. Where our heart is, there is our treasure! We believe what we value. If we are afraid, we are valuing wrongly. Our understanding will then inevitably value wrongly and by endowing all thoughts with equal power will inevitably destroy peace.

The means for the Atonement is the acceptance of miracles, which is the correction of our perception. As we listen to the Voice of The Universe, the errors in our mind are corrected. The Atonement uproots the source of fear. As we accept a correction in our perception, we just naturally join in the plan of the Atonement, because minds are joined. We are all ONE.

We are the extension of Love. The more we identify our self as being Love’s extension, the more we will just naturally extend the Love that we are.

By choosing the miracle we are really choosing to forgive and the more we do that, the more we are able to extend this forgiveness to other people. When that whole process or chain is completed, that is the Atonement. In forgiving you, I am also forgiving all the other people in my life, or other lives, who have represented the same problem. All minds are joined. If I have a problem with you then behind you as a specific example of that, would be all the other people in my life with whom I have had the same problem. So that Atonement corrects and heals all aspects of the same issue, even when we are not aware of it.

My blog so far have been about Love, Forgiveness, Miracles, Healing, Peace…..and now it all make sense to me about Atonement!

So, please make use of our Undo button because we really have it…..in our MIND…


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Vitamin Qi

qiQi or Energy…it has no form, no color, no smell…you can’t see, you can’t smell, you can’t touch…..you can only feel….feel with your heart….it can make you feel extremely calm, relax and light but it can also make you feel extremely uncomfortable, emotional, restless……but don’t get it wrong, this is where the healing begins….

I believe in Qi but I never really get to experience the existence of Qi, because I had so much excuses not to learn, I was always busy with work, with shopping making myself pretty, with all those unimportant things in life, I had all the wrong priorities in life! Last April, my friend introduced me to Zhi Neng Qi Gong and I found Sheng Zhong and learnt from him. I wasn’t really practicing much as again set all the wrong priorities in life! Last November due to work stress, I started getting back pain and my swollen lymph nodes were getting bigger and harder….not a good sign!

I decided to try Qi Therapy, I contacted Sheng Zhong and had been seeing him every week since mid November 2012. He channeled the external qi via his body to my body, he also guided me to practice more Zhi Neng Qi Gong, how to visualise and merge with Qi, also practicing wall squatting. After 2 weeks of wall squatting (20 squat x 5 times a day) and daily Qi Gong practice, I started feeling the Qi

Before meal

Before meal

flowing within my body. Last Christmas when everyone was busy eating and drinking, I managed to reach 500 wall squat (200 in the morning + 300 in the afternoon) a day…..I was overwhelmed with the Qi reaction….I feel the Qi when I am sitting, driving, sleeping and standing….it was so powerful and amazing….and this Qi reaction actually made me feel extremely uncomfortable because the Qi went deep rooted into my skin, body, meridian and bone to heal the source of my illness…..it is like peeling layer upon layer of my illness, you feel better one day and the more I do the wall squat and qi gong then the qi reaction come back again and heal the next level. Only one and a half month….and the result is phenomenal from my CT scan results.

I take lots and lots of vitamins for my dietary healing to strengthen my immune and digesting system, before meal I take 4 pancreatin enzyme, 2 acidol pepsin and 4 probiotic to help my digesting system. After meal, I take 4 CQ10, 2 niacin (B3), 3 liver capsules, 8 spirulina, 10 chlorella and 2 megazyme forte. 3 times a day! I inject myself with B12 everyday for the past 2 years! You can do the math of how much vitamins I had taken for the past 2 years! In addition, the juicing and the enema and the rabbit foods…..lots and lots of time and love spending in healing my illness!

Dietary healing helped dissolving the tumor cells and restored my body’s defense system, this method is all about me taking control of my health and life. Lots of time, energy, money and efforts. I chose this method not because I have no faith in modern medicine; chemo, radiotherapy still cure cancer but I would rather take responsibility and control of my life than handed my life to someone else!

After meal

After meal

Qi healing not only heal my illness but my life…..during the qi reaction…..I experienced lots of emotional reaction….it is such a remarkable journey..

Vitamin Qi is free and we all have it within our body….just do not know how to activate it and let it flows…..if you are interested…start with wall squatting. Warning…..only Chinese and Asian able to squat without any effort, because of our gene and ‘squatting toilet’! My late grandma who was 80 years old still used squat toilet!

My B12 injection!

My B12 injection! Fun of injecting yourself!

Happy Squatting!

Lots of love,

IMmy xxx


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Dance with The Universe………..

0It’s Friday but there won’t be any Friday Words of Wisdom as I have GOOD NEWS for 2013!

I just came back from my oncologist appointment for my CT scan results. I mentioned earlier in Dec 2012 that I had back pain and my oncologist decided to send me for a scan!

I was worried that the cancer has metastases but during the whole Dec 2012, I learnt to surrender to The Universe and let The Universe taking care of me, I wrote A Letter to Me to close the 2012 chapter and also connect myself more closely to The Universe and dance along with her! I started my wall squatting and Zhi Neng Qi Gong and have been overwhelmed with the Qi reaction…I feel like I am The Universe and The Universe is me! The feeling of connection and just merge into ONE! Amazingly powerful………

The first response from my oncologist this morning was I do not have enough fat and the scan unable to pick up my lymph nodes (my cancer was originally metastases to my lymph nodes 2 years ago). Then the previously large lesion on my right has regressed!

How I did it?…………..Surrender and Dance with The Universe because The Universe is always taking care of me and you!

Lots and lots of love,

IMmy xxx


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A Letter to Me

letter to meDear Me,

Today is the last day of 2012 and I decided to write you my first and last letter to close this chapter of you in 2012 and welcoming the next new and exciting chapter of me in 2013. I have been spending lots of time with you this year and I believe you feel the same as well. I actually enjoyed spending time with you, it took me 44 years to realise the importance of spending time with you just like what I am doing now. This year, the most precious thing you taught me is to “Let Go” in all expects of my life.

My Career: I have always been very ambitious since I was young…in almost everything. I was not only ‘survive’ as a female engineer in male dominated industry but I thrived as an Asian Woman Engineer in the Western World. I wasn’t satisfied as being an engineer, I went further to get my MBA and continued climbing the corporate ladder. I was at the peak of my career and suddenly I was hit by the C-bomb in September 2010. The C-bomb didn’t stop me from my career dream. After 3 months of intensive Gerson Therapy, I went straight back to work again and forgot how the cancer hit me. I was busy again running here and there making myself important and ‘significant’ again. Until October 2011, I was made redundant. Another C-bomb, this time it was the career bomb 😉 My confidence shattered, completely smashed and crashed! Then I started noticing you! You guided me to look inside myself and discovered the FEAR. The FEAR of being not good enough! The FEAR of being rejected! The FEAR of being not having a job! It was such a powerful insight, once I confronted the FEAR and just be completely Ok and let them go. I set myself free. I can’t change what happened but I can change the way I view it. Now, I have 100% faith that as long as I am fulfilling my purpose, being of service and providing as much value to the world as possible, my career and finances will always be looked after. The Universe is always taking care of me and you!

My Health: Since I started Gerson, I have been very focusing on my diet, my coffee enema, my castor oil enema, my vitamins, my B12 injection, my lifestyle, almost everything that might possibly ‘wake up’ the cancer cells. I was living in fear. I was unable to eat out. I have to carry my juices, my enema bucket and vitamins with me wherever I traveled. I wasn’t complaining because I chose to do Gerson.  It was because the more I read and researched about cancer and what caused cancer, I became living in more and more fear to prevent cancer. Just because I know too much and I also want my love ones to live healthy and I kind of expecting my love ones to change their diet and lifestyle. Then I got upset when they ‘don’t care’. Started this year, since I spent more time with you than my career, you guided me to realise if I can’t control other people, there is nothing much I can do except just be with them when they need me. Recently, you also made me realised that focusing solely on “healing my cancer” was counter productive to my goal. I started relaxing my diet and focusing more on my soul, YOU! I stopped stressing myself and started nurturing my inner baby, YOU. Get you connected more closely to The Universe and dance along with The Universe and just be perfectly ok with whatever that happens because…… The Universe is always taking care of me and you!

My Relationship: It took you  about 10 years to forgive my ex husband, Kelvin. I remember the last thing I told him was what he did to me will happen to his family, didn’t realise that it was a curse to him. It happened to his mother, how he treated me was how his father treated his mother.  I want to apologise to you Kelvin, I am sorry to what I did to you. I forgive you because I knew it is not your intention to hurt me same as it wasn’t my intention to curse your family. Mark, we had a great relationship, we were so compatible in everything but we both knew that all these were never been enough to be together. You let me see the side of me that I was avoiding to face, jealously and insecurity. We both went into the relationship with our emotional baggage. I know that you were very sad when you heard I was sick and you blamed yourself of contributing to my illness. I am sorry of making you feel bad. Please forgive yourself of what you did to me same as I am forgiving myself of making you feel bad. Lindsay, thanks for taking care of me when I first started my Gerson. We had a great relationship as we never fight, I just could’t believe that! I am sorry thing didn’t work out between us since my cancer, I know you care, adore and admire me so much. I am sorry and I know you were angry with me. Cancer was supposed to bring us closer but it made me realise what I really want in a relationship. You are a very nice and caring person, if I was just looking for a man to settle as most women do when they were sick, I will just be with you. I want someone who I can feel….just feel…. deeply into his soul and melt and sink into his soul and be part of his soul…..I am looking for a soul mate who is within me not outside me. I might not find him but I will be ok because The Universe is always taking care of me and you!1_142559 Thanks so much for guiding me through this year and set my career, health and relationship free to welcome the new and exciting 2013. I cannot control what happens to me. I can only control how I react to what happens to me, but I need to remain open to rolling with the punches rather than clinging to whatever outcome I have idolised in my minds.  Always remain open because The Universe is always taking care of Me and You!

Lots and lots and tons and ton of love,

IMmy xxx


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Beautiful Blogger Award!

beautiful_bloggerawardpurple_rev

 

Thank you Clark Kent for the nomination for Beautiful Blogger Award.

Beautiful Blogger Award Rules:

The idea behind the Beautiful Blogger Award is to recognize some of the bloggers we follow for their hard work and inspiration.

1. Copy the Beautiful Blogger Award logo and place it in your post.

2. Thank the person who nominated you and link back to their blog.

3. Tell 7 things about yourself.

4. Nominate 7 other bloggers for their own Beautiful Blogger Award, and comment on their blogs to let them know.

 

7 things about myself

1. I juice 2L of carrot juice everyday and carry on my backpack to work!

2. I do 100 times of Qi Gong Wall Squatting everyday!

3. I have coffee enema everyday! 😉

4. I practice Zhi Neng Qi Gong everyday!

5. I call my mum every week!

6. Everyday I wake up I ask The Universe to guide me!

7. I practice forgiveness and forgive myself for listening to THE EGO!

 

Beautiful Blogger Award Rules:

The idea behind the Beautiful Blogger Award is to recognize some of the bloggers we follow for their hard work and inspiration.

1. Copy the Beautiful Blogger Award logo and place it in your post.
2. Thank the person who nominated you and link back to their blog.
3. Tell 7 things about yourself.
4. Nominate 7 other bloggers for their own Beautiful Blogger Award, and comment on their blogs to let them know.

The 7 bloggers I nominated

Clark Kent

Martial Arts For Life 

MUAGS

Candy Coated Reality

Amaryllis Log

Urban Wall Art & Murals

Trading Places

 


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What to do When you don’t know What to do?

10 September 2010 around 9am, I was on the way entering to a meeting room then my mobile rang, it was from the clinic. My GP wanted to see me immediately about my biopsy test result. I told her I would see her after my meeting around 12 noon. After the meeting, on the way driving to the clinic, the car radio was talking about cancer, I was prepared as it was so hard to get an appointment with my GP and suddenly she was available to see me immediately. When I was in the GP ‘s room, she was very nervous, I asked if it was a bad news, she said yes, and told me the lymph nodes test result shown cancerous but it was secondary cancer ! I was very confused, secondary? She told me my cancer had already spread to my lymph nodes, and needed to find out where was the primary cancer. She looked at me and said ” You look very calm !” I told her that I was prepared as my brother had leukemia and he died of chemotherapy. She printed out the test report and passed it to me, I was overwhelmed with all the medical terms. Then she asked if I would like to go to public or private hospital, I asked for her recommendation and she recommended public hospital which was Alfred Hospital. I went to the car and rang my boyfriend, he cried. Then I rang my cousin Mei Qi, she immediately asked me to go home and she would meet me at home. Then I rang the office told my boss, Glen. Glen was really cute and asked if I wanted to catch up for a drink to talk about it! I didn’t go for a drink, but I could feel Glen was worried about me and was trying to help.

With my lovely Mei Qi climbing Mt KK May 2012

Mei Qi arrived not long after I got home. We were very calm, no crying or emotional feeling. We were like just handed an “IMmy” Project, Mei Qi immediately jumped straight on to the computer and started goggling all the medical terms. She read the test report and explained to me, what is carcinoma, CA125, CK20, metastatic, etc. She is such a loving and caring cousin! That day we both learnt so much about cancer. We kind of understood the report but didn’t know what to do next, as the report indicated the “Immunohistochemical profile in inconclusive in terms of tumor origin”! My Biopsy Report It was Friday and I still did not know when I could be admitted to the Alfred Hospital to see the oncologist. The next day was my company annual dinner, I decided to go and enjoyed myself. The moment I arrived, as usual our MD, Dominic greeted us at the front door, the first word he said to me, “Im, I know you do not have family here, we are your family!” It meant a lot to me.

I went to work on Monday, rang Alfred Hospital to check when I could be admitted, they told me a couple of weeks and they would send me a letter to inform me. A couple of weeks! How was I supposed to wait for a couple of weeks! I knew I have cancer but I could not get an oncologist. I was very emotional at work and could not really focusing and colleagues asked me if I was ok. Then I told them I have cancer but I could not get an oncologist and I do not know what to do! Gradually, the more people I told about I do not know what to do. One day, Roger sms me and told me his wife worked in Peter MacCallum and she knew many oncologists that she could recommend and asked if I had private health insurance. I rang Dr, Sullivan the next day and got an appointment the following day and he immediately admitted me to the hospital for bladder biopsy, PET scan, mammogram, etc to confirm the source of my cancer which was bladder. Then I received letter from Alfred Hospital.

So What to do When you don’t know What to do is to tell The Universe your challenge and you would be guided by The Universe ! That was one of the most challenging part of my cancer journey…..the unknown which lead to fear…..I want to thank Mei Qi for her love and support throughout my cancer discovery journey, I still recalled the day when I was hospitalized during my bladder biopsy, she was next to me on my bed and told me. ” Im Jie Jie (means sister Im in Chinese), I am sorry if I didn’t show any emotion about your cancer it is not because I don’t love you, but  I always believe in you that there is nothing you are unable to resolve!” I was so touch, cancer bring us closer then ever before!

Every morning when I wake up I will ask The Universe to guide me. Have you asked The Universe to guide you today?

Would love to hear from you What do you do When you don’t know What to do?

Love,

IMmy xxx