Immy Chua

Just Being and Let things Happen….


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Father and Daughter

father and daughterToday is my last day in Malaysia after spending 5 weeks away from my comfort zone downunder. I am looking forward to go back but my heart still here….My Home! I am coming back again in October…..yes another 7 months and I am home again…this time I will be fit and healthy and will catch up with all my friends who I missed this trip!

My father sent me an email the last day I was in Bombay asking me to stay back so mom and dad could look after me as he felt my pain and wanted to share my pain….it was a sweet and short email before he left for China for 3 weeks ‘backpacking’ ! Yes, he is 72 this year and enjoys travelling ‘in style’. He flew to Yunnan, come back via Cambodia and Thailand via train, bus…etc. Awesome!

My high school friends recently told me that a daughter was her father’s lover in his past life. If a woman can’t get together with the man she loves, she’ll be reincarnated to be his daughter in the next life. If a female spirit falls in love with a man, she’ll be reincarnated into his wife’s abdomen to be his daughter. I don’t know if it is true, I don’t  have a special bond with my father, everyone is the family ‘afraid’ of him. He is the ‘King’ of the house, we just have to follow his instruction. He is right all the time, even if he is wrong, he will not admit! He has a huge Ego! Sound like your dad?

The first day I arrived in Kuala Lumpur, I have a long chat with my aunty (my father’s sister) about my father. She told me when she was young, all the brothers and sisters afraid of my father, because he was the one who made decision at home. my grandpa died when they were young, leaving my grandma and 10 children. Dad is number forth but he took over as the eldest son’s responsibility in managing the family business. Then, I told my aunty…..”actually….I am very much like my dad, huge ego, stubborn, always want to be right, tough, love challenging…..I could actually see myself in him!’ My aunty was laughing and said to me…when I was about 2 years old, I was already a very stubborn child, once I made up my mind….no one could convince me!  She said I would cry at the top of the staircase (as we were living in a double storey shop house) refused to be helped to come down and then later they would hear something rolling down the stairs which was me from the top to the bottom and I was fine because I refused to be held by them to come down the stairs! Exactly like my dad…rather bleed then tears! Why would such a child has this type of character? When was this stubborn seed been planted? Previous life? Why I ‘inherited’ all these characters from my dad and yet I couldn’t bond with him?

I never feel his love so deeply until cancer strike me! Yes, cancer brought me home to my dad and also my mom. My parents dropped everything just to look after me when I was sick. Same as what they did for my late brother and they had to do this again, just imagined how they felt! Every early morning, my mom would wash and cut all the carrots and apples, then my dad would prepare all the juice for me, fresh and nice in the fridge . Prepared my breakfast then drove me to the clinic for treatment, then they both went to  fresh market shopping for my ‘medicine’. They would then pick me up after my treatment, mom would cook and they respected me and let me ate my meal before cooking theirs as my meal was tasteless, no oil, no salt, no sugar, no seasoning…just fresh veggie. They just dropped everything and did this for me everyday for 3 months. The greatest love on earth! Who am I to doubt my father’s love to me! and my mom!

After 3 months, when I was leaving for Melbourne, my dad cried…my cousin told me, he cried! And now after 2 years….I could feel his love to me before he left for China….I could feel his love so deeply…..I think we both changed..we both became emotional….and the love between us was so strong yet so distance as we both still very stubborn of showing our love!….so it makes me wonder……was my father my lover in my previous life? What about you? What relationship you have with your father? or What relationship you have with your daughter? Would love to hear from you!

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A Roadmap to Healing and Living….

It was a huge shock when you were told you have cancer….the fear, the why, the unknown….you were so sad and yet have to find a way to break the news to your loved one…all those questions, how, why ????

I never dream that I would have cancer because I was healthy and fit. I never try to understand cancer…guess because I was avoiding the C. This post is to share my experience with you on how to lay out a roadmap to healing and living with cancer.

Cancer is not like a heart attack…it just happens and you don’t have the time to make an informed decision with your treatment. As long as you control your emotion and your diet then you still have times to ‘shop’ for options.

From my experience, your oncologist will only suggest chemotherapy, surgery or radiotherapy because these are what they learnt.

The following are the questions you should ask your oncologist if they suggest you with either one of the above treatment:

Overall Survivor Rate –  Overall survival is a term that denotes the chances of staying alive for a group of individuals suffering from a cancer. It denotes the percentage of individuals in the group who are likely to be alive after a particular duration of time. At a basic level, the overall survival is representative of cure rates.

1. What is the overall survival rate if I have chemo/radio/surgery?

2. What was the statistic sample based on? My oncologist told me my bladder cancer statistic was based on Caucasian Male! Surprise!

3. What are the side effects? Chemo might increase the risk of heart disease!

Disease-Free Survival – In cancer, the length of time after primary treatment for a cancer ends that the patient survives without any signs or symptoms of that cancer. In a clinical trial, measuring the disease-free survival is one way to see how well a new treatment works.

1. What is the overall disease-free survival rate if I have chemo/radio/surgery?

2. What was the statistic sample based on?

3. What are the side effects?

Do Nothing!

1. What will happen to me?

Always seek second opinion and ask the same questions. When you have all the answers, write them all on  a big white board and discuss with your family and loved one.

Is survival good enough for you? or you want to be disease free? Can you cope with the side effects? How to cope with the side effects?

Do nothing and seek “alternative” treatment or Natural treatment like what I chose Gerson Therapy, but can you cope with Gerson?

All of these questions will help you lay out a roadmap to healing the cancer and living a life you chose. Take control of your life! Be a Smart “Patient”!

 

 


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How do you know when you are healed? Part 1

YarnAfter spending so much quality time with Cancer, I realised cancer not just known medically as a malignant neoplasm involving unregulated cell growth. Cancer is the product of years of accumulative unresolved emotional baggage deep rooted inside my heart…..it is just like a messy ball of yarn. I have many friends and friends’ of friends contacted me asked how I healed my cancer, when I told them to look deep inside their heart to search for their unresolved emotional baggage, I never heard from them. It is not easy to face the fear and unveiled your emotional baggage….because it is painful and painful and painful….lots of tears and tears and tears….this is what I mentioned in my earlier post about WHY NOT?

I was and still very fortunate to have a guardian angel guarding me to uncover layers upon layers of my emotional baggage, just imagine like peeling layers of onion…it hurts! This is when healing journey began….

My late brother diagnosed of leukemia when he was 21, on the 9 September 1993 (it was my birthday), he was in Ole Miss, in his final year of college. My dad went to Ole Miss for his first chemo treatment, first treatment was ok. During second treatment, he was admitted to intensive care. I went back to Malaysia, picked up my mom and went to Ole Miss. The moment I stepped into the ICU, I fainted. I had not seen him for almost 5 years, the moment I saw him, I couldn’t recognise him, he lost all his hair and he just looked like a sleeping skeleton! My heart was broken. When he woke up, he couldn’t talk we communicate by writing on a piece of paper. The first thing he asked if I was working there, he seemed expecting me.

I spent about one and a half month in Ole Miss with him. After the ICU, he was discharged and his condition gradually improved. He told me to go home as we still have 2 brothers back home. I left him, yes I left him and I never see him again…..He passed away on the 3 March 1994. My parents brought his ashes home.

I left my brother…this was the emotional baggage that I was carrying with me. I wanted to feel how he felt when he was alone overseas when he received the news he had cancer. I blamed myself that I left him! After 16 years, I made myself sick as I never forgive myself of leaving him. I punished myself! During the process of uncovering this pain, I came to realise this was the game that I had been playing with my brother…..again and again…My brother never blamed me of leaving him, in fact he was perfectly ok with me leaving him and went back to be with my other 2 brothers. Healing needs lots of unconditional forgiveness….I forgive myself of punishing myself for so long, I forgive myself of not trying to spend more time with my brother, I forgive myself of not being with my brother the moment he needed me the most, I forgive myself of making myself sick, I forgive myself of not forgiving myself……the moment I forgive myself, the healing began and after 3 months of unconditional loves from my parents…my tumor disappeared without chemotherapy, radiotherapy or surgery.

How do know when I am healed?…………When I can tell the story and it doesn’t bring up any pain….I finally realise I am healed….In fact, now I talk about my brother, I can feel him, he just next to me and look at me and tell me how much he loves me….


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Why we like to ask why ? Why don’t we ask Why not ?

Chuah Huan Bee is my dear Aunty, she told me to ask myself WHY NOT me who had cancer rather than asking why I am the victim of cancer!

When there is a tragedy or illness, we tend to seek for answer outside ourself because it is much easier and less painful….and we continue attracting the same energy again again and again.

Asking why is in denial! Asking WHY NOT is seeking salvation….the undoing of fear and separation……and the journey to the greater joining and The New Begining. This is my experience, what about yours?


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Friday Words of Wisdom – LOVE & FORGIVENESS

I believe Life is all about Love and Forgiveness! We always ask for more love, without forgiveness there is no love! Healing needs lots of unconditionally forgiving….that is the best part of my healing journey….I am not there yet as I am still learning to forgive….

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Have a wondeful weekend!

Love,

IMmy xxx