Immy Chua

Just Being and Let things Happen….


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With or Without Cancer?

IMG_4503I had my follow up CT scan on the 17 March, I don’t like CT scan especially the injection of IV contrast (dye) through my tiny vein, it hurts!  IV stands for intravenous which means the contrast is given through a vein. Generally a vein in your hand, lower arm, or near the elbow joint is used. The contrast is used to “highlight” internal organs such as the liver, kidneys, and pancreas. It helps detect and characterize tumors, infection and disease of the vessels. Before the follow up scan, I told mom that I have few nodes under both of my arms, I was amazed with her reaction! She said I worried too much, just small nodes and very soft! Last year I worried about her worried about me and kept my pain with me because I always know that she is not a strong person. I was completely underestimate her beautiful strength!

My CT scan result was excellent, yes no doubt there are few nodes under my arm but the size are not alarming. Dr. Amir was very happy with the results and asked me to go back again next month for another follow up checkup.

Before the scan, I was quite worried about the new found nodes. These nodes made me learn something very valuable! More than 3 years now, I have been trying to become a cancer free person. I tried lots of methods, dietary healing, energy healing, meditation and finally due to the unbearable pain chemo and radiotherapy! My life was researching about cancer. I remember a good friend once asked me how would I feel if one day, the doctor told me I am cancer free? I did not know how to answer him, I just told him that I knew it would happen! 2 months ago when my doctor told me my scan shown no signs of cancer, I wasn’t jumping up and down feeling happy, I was just glad to know I am cancer free! Now, the new nodes came back, do I really bother? Why I have to be cancer free? Why I have to use so much of my energy trying to become a cancer free person?

Thanks to theses few found nodes, now I will focus of using my energy to live and thrive my life with or without cancer!


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3 March 1994

3 March 1994, night my brother and I were at Aunty Lian Kor’s house in Taman Seputeh waiting for the phone call. My brother Chong Guan was in coma in Jackson Hospital, Missisiippi. I was waiting in Mei Qi and Wei Zhi’s room, I looked out the window praying for The God of Mercy for my brother. Then the phone rang, Lian Kor picked up the phone and was in tears, she then came upstairs and told us Ah Yan (Guan) has gone. I was speechless, I hate myself for not being with him. I left him! My brother was diagnosed with leukaemia on the 9 September 1993, my birthday. No one could imagine after 6 months he left….

Chua Chong Guan

Chua Chong Guan

Could you imagine how hard for parent to carry their son’s ashes home all the way from America to Malaysia? The journey….I don’t know how my parent did it. I knew that doctor tried to rescue my brother once, but the second time, mom told the doctor to stop as she couldn’t see him suffered any longer. I could imagine the scene as I saw him the time when he was in intensive care, he was also in coma, piping in his mouth….broken lips…..heart broken….

When they reached KL, my brother Chong Leong drove all of us home to Alor Setar together with my brother ashes. My youngest brother Chong Hong hold the top of the urn and mom said Ah Yan does not like his head to be touched, so she asked Ah Hong to be careful. It was a long long journey.

We reached Alor Setar at night, due to the culture believe, the urn was not allowed to be placed at home. So we brought the ashes to our Sin Quah Chuah Chong Soo, it is our ancestor association hall. When we reached home, mom cried and told grandma that she failed to bring my brother home. A mother lost her son and a grandmother lost her dear grandson….

The next day, with my uncle Quanyong’s help, his ashes was finally rested in the Siam Temple. Every time I come back I will visit him, my beloved brother…..and today is the 3 March 2014, 20 years since he has gone….I still and will miss him but I believe he is with us all the time whether I am here or in Melbourne…..because we are all connected…we are ONE!

For those who has brother/brothers cherish them and love them!


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Incredible Chaotic Bombay

Today is my last day in Bombay…..I don’t dislike India but I haven’t yet fell in with India. Maybe one day I would!

It is incredible to see how the people here cope with their daily life in such a populated, congested, polluted, chaotic, hard…..environment and yet they are still coping extremely well and happy….they just accept and be okay with it! Traffic is congested, nobody follow the traffic rules, cars run over the pedestrian crossing, road condition is bad. Homeless people everywhere, they sleep on the street, no one care. Young mothers with kids every where beg for money, milk powder. Dogs and cows are everywhere on the street looking for food. Why ? Because Bombay is The Dream city, people come here to find their dream!

I love my home, Malaysia because all the people I love are there. But when I am home, I miss Melbourne, I miss my comfy, quite, clean, neat second home! I have been given myself lots of excuses that I couldn’t do this and that due to the heat, the noise back home in Malaysia. Bombay shows me it is possible to do everything and anything in a chaotic environment! How….just be patient and be okay with whatever happens…..nothing work smoothly in Bombay and they are preferably ok with it! Amazing! They don’t get mad, they don’t get aggressive. They are just Okay!

I am going to do the same with my pain, just be okay and be happy…..just like Bombay! The Incredible Chaotic Bombay!

It is amazing….free and peaceful….! You might consider trying!

See you again Bombay! I might fall in love with you next time!


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A Letter to Pain

Dear Pain,

You came to my life since Jan and I am so pleased to get to know you. You taught me how to welcome, to embrace and to make peace with you since I arrived here in Mumbai.

I will continue welcoming you in my life, embracing and making peace with you. I have faith in you that everything is going to be ok! I hope you have a great stay with me and leave when I arrive in Melbourne. I believe I have had my share of you for the last 4 to 5 weeks. Please leave me at night let me have a good deep rest. Please leave me during the day so I can be like a normal me, going to work, shopping, going out with friends and just be me, happy, healthy and physically fit to enjoy doing everything. Please make peace with me, please, please, please……..I know you can and you will.

I am leaving you don’t mean I don’t love you. You came to my life taught me how to welcome, embrace and make peace with you! One of the best thing happen in my life and I will apply this whatever I encounter in the future…..Welcome, Embrace and Make Peace! Good, bad, joy, sad, fear…..anything and everything…..

Thanks and wish you have a great journey back home !

Love,
Im


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母愛 Mother’s Love

I was brought up in the environment that when I grew up I had to look after my brothers and my brothers had to look after our youngest brother. I unconsciously accepted the responsibilities to take care of my family, not just me, my brothers as well. My mom didn’t have the opportunity to study, she only finished her primary education, but she insisted us to go to university so as my dad and my grandma. They believe knowledge is our best intangible asset, no one could ever steal it away from us. My mom had her way in invested in some properties with the help of her dad and kept all her money for our education.

I was lucky having the opportunity to study abroad even I had to work very hard to sponsor myself. Working part time in the restaurant and full time during holiday. It was tough but rewarding. After I graduated, I went to China to work and sponsored my brother. During that time, my relationship with my mom was ‘tense’, we had nothing to talk about except money, she rang me when my brother needed to pay his uni fees. I remembered there was once she rang and I burst in tears and told her why every time you rang me just asked me for money…..she cried and said she didn’t know what to talk to me! I viewed myself as a victim not knowing I was the one who distance her, rang away from her love! That was how I ended in Australia! I never try to feel her love and never given her a chance to show her love to me because I never take the initiative to spend time with her and I accused her of not loving me!

I distance myself with her for almost 20 years…..cancer gave me the opportunity to reunite with my mom. I spent the past 4 weeks with her, every single moment. Her love is unconditional, caring and extremely patient. The way she taking care of my nephews remind me how I was taken care by her when I was young. She cooks, teaches, feeds and even plays with them. My nephew loves dragon dance, loves playing the drum. The little one was playing the drum and instructed her to act the dragon using the towel as the dragon head, it was so sweet! I wasn’t feeling well due to my extreme Qi reaction, she was very worried and I could feel her feeling my pain. The past 4 weeks was the best time happened in my life even I was under extremely pain due to the Qi reaction.

Please don’t love your mom from a distance like me! Phone calls, emails, Skye just the ‘feel good tools’.Just ‘being’ with her and feel her.

不要愛得太远、多点回家看看! (Please don’t love from a distance, go home more often)

p/s I started writing this in the train on the way to the airport leaving for Mumbai, I was in tears and I stopped as I felt embarrassed. When I arrived in Mumbai, I told my dear friend I became very emotional while writing in public and felt embarrassed. He was very happy and told me it is very good to get emotional……let it out and don’t feel embarrassed. I am now in Mumbai Starbucks and continued with this post with tears in public…..it feels so so good!

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Atonement

undo-iconI love the movie Atonement and have been trying to relate my journey with it….and this is what I found.

‘Atoning’ means ‘undoing’. Few years ago, my colleague told me it would be good if we could have the ‘undo’ button in our life just like the ‘undo’ button in the computer! Those days I thought it was impossible! Now I believe it is possible. How?

We might not be able to undo our action but we could undo the mistaken ideas in our mind.

The following are the insights from A Course in Miracle which explains Atonement.

The purpose of the Atonement is to undo all the errors in our mind. Joining with mistaken thoughts is the source of all our fear. 

Miracles are natural, corrective, healing and universal, they cannot be performed in the spirit of doubt or fear. When we are afraid of anything, we are acknowledging its power to hurt us. Where our heart is, there is our treasure! We believe what we value. If we are afraid, we are valuing wrongly. Our understanding will then inevitably value wrongly and by endowing all thoughts with equal power will inevitably destroy peace.

The means for the Atonement is the acceptance of miracles, which is the correction of our perception. As we listen to the Voice of The Universe, the errors in our mind are corrected. The Atonement uproots the source of fear. As we accept a correction in our perception, we just naturally join in the plan of the Atonement, because minds are joined. We are all ONE.

We are the extension of Love. The more we identify our self as being Love’s extension, the more we will just naturally extend the Love that we are.

By choosing the miracle we are really choosing to forgive and the more we do that, the more we are able to extend this forgiveness to other people. When that whole process or chain is completed, that is the Atonement. In forgiving you, I am also forgiving all the other people in my life, or other lives, who have represented the same problem. All minds are joined. If I have a problem with you then behind you as a specific example of that, would be all the other people in my life with whom I have had the same problem. So that Atonement corrects and heals all aspects of the same issue, even when we are not aware of it.

My blog so far have been about Love, Forgiveness, Miracles, Healing, Peace…..and now it all make sense to me about Atonement!

So, please make use of our Undo button because we really have it…..in our MIND…


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What is your biggest challenge in Life so far?

We all love challenge! We challenge ourselves to be opened to risk, change and innovation….we also keep reminding ourselves that part of moving forward in life is to continue challenging ourselves and our abilities!

I love challenge….I see everything as a challenge not as a problem. I wouldn’t  say I have difficulties performing this or that, instead I would  say I have challenging tasks which excite me rather than stopping me from doing it.

I challenge myself to become a female star engineer and I did stand up among the males as people noticed me! Just imagine when you are the only Asian female electrical engineer siting in the construction site cabin attending the site meeting with a group of Caucasians engineers, builders, contractors, architects etc. They remember your name compare to other male engineers and they respect and pay attention to you! How great is that!

I challenge myself to set up and manage a joint venture company in Chongqing, China in 1998 before I turned 30 years old. I was the only foreigner in the company managing a toll bridge across the mighty Yangtze River. The Chinese were very sceptical about my abilities and asked why the Malaysian company sent a young lady over representing them. I told them in Chinese 不是猛龍不过江, translate in English is “Non-Ferocious Dragons Don’t Cross Oceans”! I was there for 3 years by myself! Lots of fighting and politicking ….eventually I became very very Chinese and made lots of great Chinese friends who I still keep in touch with.

I challenge myself backpacking alone to the Northern China during the coldest season, went to Beijing to scale the Great Wall then to Harbin visiting the Ice Festival in -25 deg C then took the local train to Changchun then took a bus to Jilin.

I challenge myself quitting my well paid job in China and migrated to Melbourne, Australia without a job and just studied my MBA, because I wanted to feel like being a student again!

I challenge myself learnt skiing when I was 40 years old from beginner to intermediate in 10 days in Squaw Valley, Lake Tahoe. The next year I went back and became advance skier! The experience was priceless….

I challenge myself climbing the highest peak Mt Kota Kinabalu in South East Asia last May.

Because I love challenges so much…then I had cancer….I thought cancer was the biggest challenge in my life…..NO…it wasn’t…..The biggest challenge in my life was ….surrender…surrender…and surrender…

I surrender myself of not to be 110% perfect.

I surrender myself of being ok if I couldn’t deliver my work related projects on time.

I surrender myself of being ok if I was rejected.

I surrender myself of letting go.

I surrender myself of just being myself.

I surrender myself to The Universe and let The Universe guide me everyday……the results are mind blowing…..just expereince the bliss of “Beingness” ( an insight from my Aunty Bee)……

So, what is my next challenge????? My next challenge is Not To Challenge myself…..

What about you?


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Make Peace with Cancer

I have had a remarkable journey with cancer! Many of my family and friends are very happy and proud about my journey and they talked about me to their friends. I received a lot of emails asking about my journey and congratulated me for winning the battle, being a cancer survivor.

Before I had cancer, I have been fighting for my studies then my career especially in the male dominated engineering industry and also fighting for attention! Winning was very important to me !

Interestingly, I was impressed with myself I became so wise when I was diagnosed with cancer, I never think about fighting! I was telling myself fighting is very negative ! When you fight the cancer, the cancer will fight back and will become stronger than you ! It is a negative force! I also never consider myself as a cancer survivor! Survivor is also very negative ! Is not good for me to just survive! I want to live to 120 years old! Rather than fighting and called myself a cancer patient! I make peace with cancer! Everyday I would tell my cancer cells to be friends with me and I would help transforming them to good, healthy and happy cells! I told them I would not cut them off, burn them or poison them! I used my loves to transform them to good cells as it was not their intention to be cancer cells……..

If I can make peace with cancer calls I believe you can make peace with other illness and disease that currently affecting you. Don’t fight , make peace and the world will be a better place to live!

Lots and lots of love,
Immy xxx


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Dance with The Universe………..

0It’s Friday but there won’t be any Friday Words of Wisdom as I have GOOD NEWS for 2013!

I just came back from my oncologist appointment for my CT scan results. I mentioned earlier in Dec 2012 that I had back pain and my oncologist decided to send me for a scan!

I was worried that the cancer has metastases but during the whole Dec 2012, I learnt to surrender to The Universe and let The Universe taking care of me, I wrote A Letter to Me to close the 2012 chapter and also connect myself more closely to The Universe and dance along with her! I started my wall squatting and Zhi Neng Qi Gong and have been overwhelmed with the Qi reaction…I feel like I am The Universe and The Universe is me! The feeling of connection and just merge into ONE! Amazingly powerful………

The first response from my oncologist this morning was I do not have enough fat and the scan unable to pick up my lymph nodes (my cancer was originally metastases to my lymph nodes 2 years ago). Then the previously large lesion on my right has regressed!

How I did it?…………..Surrender and Dance with The Universe because The Universe is always taking care of me and you!

Lots and lots of love,

IMmy xxx


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A Letter to Me

letter to meDear Me,

Today is the last day of 2012 and I decided to write you my first and last letter to close this chapter of you in 2012 and welcoming the next new and exciting chapter of me in 2013. I have been spending lots of time with you this year and I believe you feel the same as well. I actually enjoyed spending time with you, it took me 44 years to realise the importance of spending time with you just like what I am doing now. This year, the most precious thing you taught me is to “Let Go” in all expects of my life.

My Career: I have always been very ambitious since I was young…in almost everything. I was not only ‘survive’ as a female engineer in male dominated industry but I thrived as an Asian Woman Engineer in the Western World. I wasn’t satisfied as being an engineer, I went further to get my MBA and continued climbing the corporate ladder. I was at the peak of my career and suddenly I was hit by the C-bomb in September 2010. The C-bomb didn’t stop me from my career dream. After 3 months of intensive Gerson Therapy, I went straight back to work again and forgot how the cancer hit me. I was busy again running here and there making myself important and ‘significant’ again. Until October 2011, I was made redundant. Another C-bomb, this time it was the career bomb 😉 My confidence shattered, completely smashed and crashed! Then I started noticing you! You guided me to look inside myself and discovered the FEAR. The FEAR of being not good enough! The FEAR of being rejected! The FEAR of being not having a job! It was such a powerful insight, once I confronted the FEAR and just be completely Ok and let them go. I set myself free. I can’t change what happened but I can change the way I view it. Now, I have 100% faith that as long as I am fulfilling my purpose, being of service and providing as much value to the world as possible, my career and finances will always be looked after. The Universe is always taking care of me and you!

My Health: Since I started Gerson, I have been very focusing on my diet, my coffee enema, my castor oil enema, my vitamins, my B12 injection, my lifestyle, almost everything that might possibly ‘wake up’ the cancer cells. I was living in fear. I was unable to eat out. I have to carry my juices, my enema bucket and vitamins with me wherever I traveled. I wasn’t complaining because I chose to do Gerson.  It was because the more I read and researched about cancer and what caused cancer, I became living in more and more fear to prevent cancer. Just because I know too much and I also want my love ones to live healthy and I kind of expecting my love ones to change their diet and lifestyle. Then I got upset when they ‘don’t care’. Started this year, since I spent more time with you than my career, you guided me to realise if I can’t control other people, there is nothing much I can do except just be with them when they need me. Recently, you also made me realised that focusing solely on “healing my cancer” was counter productive to my goal. I started relaxing my diet and focusing more on my soul, YOU! I stopped stressing myself and started nurturing my inner baby, YOU. Get you connected more closely to The Universe and dance along with The Universe and just be perfectly ok with whatever that happens because…… The Universe is always taking care of me and you!

My Relationship: It took you  about 10 years to forgive my ex husband, Kelvin. I remember the last thing I told him was what he did to me will happen to his family, didn’t realise that it was a curse to him. It happened to his mother, how he treated me was how his father treated his mother.  I want to apologise to you Kelvin, I am sorry to what I did to you. I forgive you because I knew it is not your intention to hurt me same as it wasn’t my intention to curse your family. Mark, we had a great relationship, we were so compatible in everything but we both knew that all these were never been enough to be together. You let me see the side of me that I was avoiding to face, jealously and insecurity. We both went into the relationship with our emotional baggage. I know that you were very sad when you heard I was sick and you blamed yourself of contributing to my illness. I am sorry of making you feel bad. Please forgive yourself of what you did to me same as I am forgiving myself of making you feel bad. Lindsay, thanks for taking care of me when I first started my Gerson. We had a great relationship as we never fight, I just could’t believe that! I am sorry thing didn’t work out between us since my cancer, I know you care, adore and admire me so much. I am sorry and I know you were angry with me. Cancer was supposed to bring us closer but it made me realise what I really want in a relationship. You are a very nice and caring person, if I was just looking for a man to settle as most women do when they were sick, I will just be with you. I want someone who I can feel….just feel…. deeply into his soul and melt and sink into his soul and be part of his soul…..I am looking for a soul mate who is within me not outside me. I might not find him but I will be ok because The Universe is always taking care of me and you!1_142559 Thanks so much for guiding me through this year and set my career, health and relationship free to welcome the new and exciting 2013. I cannot control what happens to me. I can only control how I react to what happens to me, but I need to remain open to rolling with the punches rather than clinging to whatever outcome I have idolised in my minds.  Always remain open because The Universe is always taking care of Me and You!

Lots and lots and tons and ton of love,

IMmy xxx