Immy Chua

Just Being and Let things Happen….

Father and Daughter

6 Comments

father and daughterToday is my last day in Malaysia after spending 5 weeks away from my comfort zone downunder. I am looking forward to go back but my heart still here….My Home! I am coming back again in October…..yes another 7 months and I am home again…this time I will be fit and healthy and will catch up with all my friends who I missed this trip!

My father sent me an email the last day I was in Bombay asking me to stay back so mom and dad could look after me as he felt my pain and wanted to share my pain….it was a sweet and short email before he left for China for 3 weeks ‘backpacking’ ! Yes, he is 72 this year and enjoys travelling ‘in style’. He flew to Yunnan, come back via Cambodia and Thailand via train, bus…etc. Awesome!

My high school friends recently told me that a daughter was her father’s lover in his past life. If a woman can’t get together with the man she loves, she’ll be reincarnated to be his daughter in the next life. If a female spirit falls in love with a man, she’ll be reincarnated into his wife’s abdomen to be his daughter. I don’t know if it is true, I don’t  have a special bond with my father, everyone is the family ‘afraid’ of him. He is the ‘King’ of the house, we just have to follow his instruction. He is right all the time, even if he is wrong, he will not admit! He has a huge Ego! Sound like your dad?

The first day I arrived in Kuala Lumpur, I have a long chat with my aunty (my father’s sister) about my father. She told me when she was young, all the brothers and sisters afraid of my father, because he was the one who made decision at home. my grandpa died when they were young, leaving my grandma and 10 children. Dad is number forth but he took over as the eldest son’s responsibility in managing the family business. Then, I told my aunty…..”actually….I am very much like my dad, huge ego, stubborn, always want to be right, tough, love challenging…..I could actually see myself in him!’ My aunty was laughing and said to me…when I was about 2 years old, I was already a very stubborn child, once I made up my mind….no one could convince me!  She said I would cry at the top of the staircase (as we were living in a double storey shop house) refused to be helped to come down and then later they would hear something rolling down the stairs which was me from the top to the bottom and I was fine because I refused to be held by them to come down the stairs! Exactly like my dad…rather bleed then tears! Why would such a child has this type of character? When was this stubborn seed been planted? Previous life? Why I ‘inherited’ all these characters from my dad and yet I couldn’t bond with him?

I never feel his love so deeply until cancer strike me! Yes, cancer brought me home to my dad and also my mom. My parents dropped everything just to look after me when I was sick. Same as what they did for my late brother and they had to do this again, just imagined how they felt! Every early morning, my mom would wash and cut all the carrots and apples, then my dad would prepare all the juice for me, fresh and nice in the fridge . Prepared my breakfast then drove me to the clinic for treatment, then they both went to  fresh market shopping for my ‘medicine’. They would then pick me up after my treatment, mom would cook and they respected me and let me ate my meal before cooking theirs as my meal was tasteless, no oil, no salt, no sugar, no seasoning…just fresh veggie. They just dropped everything and did this for me everyday for 3 months. The greatest love on earth! Who am I to doubt my father’s love to me! and my mom!

After 3 months, when I was leaving for Melbourne, my dad cried…my cousin told me, he cried! And now after 2 years….I could feel his love to me before he left for China….I could feel his love so deeply…..I think we both changed..we both became emotional….and the love between us was so strong yet so distance as we both still very stubborn of showing our love!….so it makes me wonder……was my father my lover in my previous life? What about you? What relationship you have with your father? or What relationship you have with your daughter? Would love to hear from you!

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Author: Immy Chua

A day after I turned 42, I was diagnosed with Stage 2 Grade 4 bladder cancer….what a surprise birthday gift! 16 years ago on my birthday, my late brother was diagnosed with leukemia. He passed away after 6 months of chemotherapy. My doctors told me they were unable to cure me….as my cancer is an aggressive type. The statistic with chemotherapy treatment is 45% in 5 years. I refused chemotherapy because of my brother. So, I asked if I don’t do anything, what would happen? My doctor told me….if I don’t do anything, after 3 months, my cancer will spread to every parts of my body. I told my doctor, 3 months, I still have plenty of time to find a solution. So..I rejected the death sentence and went searching for solution……..My cancer journey start ….. This blog is about my exciting cancer journey which helps me to discover and reassess my life, my relationship with my family, my so-called career goal, my diet, my view, my belief…..everything…..for the past 2 years… I wish it will help everyone to look at illness as a blessing and opportunity to heal rather than seeing yourself as a victim.

6 thoughts on “Father and Daughter

  1. Immy, my father is different from your father. My father was very gentle and talented. During the time I was with him, I never saw him throwing temper at any one. He never scolded me (even my siblings). Up to now he is still my role model. My only regret is that I only called him “爸爸” once during his life time (he died young , at the age of 42), So Immy , show your love openly to him, and let him feel that you are bonded.

  2. Relationships and bonds change, it is wonderful to hear that your father loves you so much and that he showed you that. My father was always calm and patient with us 2 girls. He was the first man I wanted to marry… 🙂 I have never heard him shout or argue, he was a very peaceful soul. He died only 5 weeks ago , very old, and I kept telling him that he was a great dad and that I loved him. It is so important to tell your loved ones that you love them, they feel it but they also need to hear it. Even though I had left home almost 30 years ago, my love for him did not change. It was very hard for me to lose him, to lose someone I loved do much. My love still does not change for him, wherever he is.
    Immy show your love for him openly, let him see it , hear it, feel it!

    • Thanks Ute! Sorry to hear about your news! I know my father loves me as much as I love him and he knows it too! He feels and see it…just hasn’t hear it yet…..the day will come…sorry for a long silence…will write soon! lots of love, Immy xxx

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