Today is the last day of 2012 and I decided to write you my first and last letter to close this chapter of you in 2012 and welcoming the next new and exciting chapter of me in 2013. I have been spending lots of time with you this year and I believe you feel the same as well. I actually enjoyed spending time with you, it took me 44 years to realise the importance of spending time with you just like what I am doing now. This year, the most precious thing you taught me is to “Let Go” in all expects of my life.
My Career: I have always been very ambitious since I was young…in almost everything. I was not only ‘survive’ as a female engineer in male dominated industry but I thrived as an Asian Woman Engineer in the Western World. I wasn’t satisfied as being an engineer, I went further to get my MBA and continued climbing the corporate ladder. I was at the peak of my career and suddenly I was hit by the C-bomb in September 2010. The C-bomb didn’t stop me from my career dream. After 3 months of intensive Gerson Therapy, I went straight back to work again and forgot how the cancer hit me. I was busy again running here and there making myself important and ‘significant’ again. Until October 2011, I was made redundant. Another C-bomb, this time it was the career bomb 😉 My confidence shattered, completely smashed and crashed! Then I started noticing you! You guided me to look inside myself and discovered the FEAR. The FEAR of being not good enough! The FEAR of being rejected! The FEAR of being not having a job! It was such a powerful insight, once I confronted the FEAR and just be completely Ok and let them go. I set myself free. I can’t change what happened but I can change the way I view it. Now, I have 100% faith that as long as I am fulfilling my purpose, being of service and providing as much value to the world as possible, my career and finances will always be looked after. The Universe is always taking care of me and you!
My Health: Since I started Gerson, I have been very focusing on my diet, my coffee enema, my castor oil enema, my vitamins, my B12 injection, my lifestyle, almost everything that might possibly ‘wake up’ the cancer cells. I was living in fear. I was unable to eat out. I have to carry my juices, my enema bucket and vitamins with me wherever I traveled. I wasn’t complaining because I chose to do Gerson. It was because the more I read and researched about cancer and what caused cancer, I became living in more and more fear to prevent cancer. Just because I know too much and I also want my love ones to live healthy and I kind of expecting my love ones to change their diet and lifestyle. Then I got upset when they ‘don’t care’. Started this year, since I spent more time with you than my career, you guided me to realise if I can’t control other people, there is nothing much I can do except just be with them when they need me. Recently, you also made me realised that focusing solely on “healing my cancer” was counter productive to my goal. I started relaxing my diet and focusing more on my soul, YOU! I stopped stressing myself and started nurturing my inner baby, YOU. Get you connected more closely to The Universe and dance along with The Universe and just be perfectly ok with whatever that happens because…… The Universe is always taking care of me and you!
My Relationship: It took you about 10 years to forgive my ex husband, Kelvin. I remember the last thing I told him was what he did to me will happen to his family, didn’t realise that it was a curse to him. It happened to his mother, how he treated me was how his father treated his mother. I want to apologise to you Kelvin, I am sorry to what I did to you. I forgive you because I knew it is not your intention to hurt me same as it wasn’t my intention to curse your family. Mark, we had a great relationship, we were so compatible in everything but we both knew that all these were never been enough to be together. You let me see the side of me that I was avoiding to face, jealously and insecurity. We both went into the relationship with our emotional baggage. I know that you were very sad when you heard I was sick and you blamed yourself of contributing to my illness. I am sorry of making you feel bad. Please forgive yourself of what you did to me same as I am forgiving myself of making you feel bad. Lindsay, thanks for taking care of me when I first started my Gerson. We had a great relationship as we never fight, I just could’t believe that! I am sorry thing didn’t work out between us since my cancer, I know you care, adore and admire me so much. I am sorry and I know you were angry with me. Cancer was supposed to bring us closer but it made me realise what I really want in a relationship. You are a very nice and caring person, if I was just looking for a man to settle as most women do when they were sick, I will just be with you. I want someone who I can feel….just feel…. deeply into his soul and melt and sink into his soul and be part of his soul…..I am looking for a soul mate who is within me not outside me. I might not find him but I will be ok because The Universe is always taking care of me and you! Thanks so much for guiding me through this year and set my career, health and relationship free to welcome the new and exciting 2013. I cannot control what happens to me. I can only control how I react to what happens to me, but I need to remain open to rolling with the punches rather than clinging to whatever outcome I have idolised in my minds. Always remain open because The Universe is always taking care of Me and You!
Lots and lots and tons and ton of love,